How a Coach Helps You.

Coaching is all about layering support for you.  The following roles all work individually, but as a whole, they layer across your efforts, attitudes and actions to radically improve your effectiveness.

A Coach helps you find clarity
Most of us are in the trap of multi-tasking across multiple projects.  Our attention is in peripheral mode and we are diffuse and unfocused.  A coach helps you cut through your tangled thoughts and think clearly.  Clarity leads you to your power, your insights and your brilliant solutions.

A Coach helps you set goals and priorities
Having clear and well structured goals are the basis of good planning.  With these in place, your priorities become obvious. With priorities to help you manage yourself and goals to focus your attention upon, you improve your effectiveness substantially.

A Coach motivates and inspires you to take action
Every time you speak with your coach, you are talking about things that are of vital importance for yourself.  The coach motivates and inspires you by reminding you what motivates and inspires you. You work with and develop your own motivation and inspiration, making it a stronger part of yourself.

A Coach is a teacher
You learn in the hot pursuit of your inspiring goals.  You learn from your mistakes, you learn from your wins.  You learn from your losses.  You learn from the people all around you.  Coaching is one of the best learning strategies you can invest in.

A Coach challenges you to be your best
Just having a coach challenges you to be your best.  Your coach will always stretch you beyond your comfort zone.  Your coach has many techniques to help you bring your best to the table.

A Coach holds you accountable
To your word, to your integrity, to what you say you want to do. Your coach won’t tolerate you comprimising yourself.

A Coach provides support
Your coach will support your success.  Your coach will support you to face challenges.  Your coach will support you to move beyond your personal limitations.  Your coach will ever ‘rescue’ you, they will only ever support you.

A Coach reminds you to celebrate

Most of us are remiss in celebrating.  And celebration is such a important emotional state that you can use to support your future success. Your coach will always remind you to celebrate.

Imagine how having a coach would multiply your effectiveness, increase your fulfillment and balance out your life.

It’s the time for a new start – email me to arrange your free kickstart appointment.

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Being a Cognoscenti, Comes With Important Responsibilities:

1. You give up the right to be a victim. A cognoscenti by definition is “one of the people who knows” that in their life, there is no victim  – there is only a creator…and that is you.  Yes, this is hard for us to let go of the Victimviolin, the blame and the self pity – they are juicy rackets to run.  But you being a cognoscenti, you pay this price joyfully to reap the rewards of a self directed life.

Complain

2. You give up the right to complain. Only victims complain. Read responsibility number one again.

Complaints are always a giving away of your power.  As if they even achieve anything for the satisfaction of whingeing and whining. The price you pay for this fleeting and meaningless pleasure is simply not worth it for the cognoscenti.

Boss

3.  You uphold your awareness that you are indeed in charge of what happens in your life.  This can be tough at times, a leap of faith is required sometimes.  The term: “Fake it until you make it” was coined by a cognoscenti.  In fact, regular meditation is required to build your practice of mindful

cognoscenti mindset.  This is an art form, not a science, requiring consistency, rigor and discipline. Every RSL club in Australia has the sign: “The Price of Freedom, is Eternal Vigilance.”  Your freedom as a cognoscenti  requires this level of vigilance.

4.  You uphold your awareness that you are indeed in charge of how you respond to life.  Every momentCary Grant in your life involves a conscious choice. You are in charge of who you are being; moment by moment.  You constantly strive to be the best possible version of yourself that you can imagine.  Cary Grant, a classic actor last century, imagined vividly being the most attractive, cultivated and classy man he could imagine, and he lived that life, even though he grew up the son of a coal miner. He transformed his life, just like you do when you enter the illustrious ranks of the cognoscenti.

Calm

5.  You respect the evolution of the people who come into your life.  These people are generally given parts to  play by yourself.  You simply don’t try to change people, you simply let them be who they are and accept that most of what you are seeing is your own projection upon them.  Respect who they are and let them be.

What other responsibiliities can you see come with the title “Cognoscenti”?

A Real Friend.

This has sometimes been described as most people only have the number of real friends they can count on one hand.

Even so, it can happen that you have someone on that hand who looks, sounds and smells like a true friendTrue friend 2True friend 1, but is secretly undermining you.

Jealousy can make this a temporary thing, but sometimes it’s simply in some people’s nature to do such a thing.

These people can suck your dreams dry, while appearing to be on your side, saying nice things and seemingly encouraging you forward.

You  really need to be careful about the people you hold close to you.

If you really want to achieve something specific, then you need to have people who not only inspire you, but who will tell you the truth if they think you are not putting in the effort.  In fact, at times like this, a true friend can be quite blunt.

Friendship 3

If you can handle a friend when they are telling you the truth, then youhave synergy, synchronicity and the serendipity that true friendship involves.

In my life, I’ve found the people who have had the courage to tell me the truth, how they see it, even though initially they broke all the rules of polite social etiquette, that their friendship was the most challenging and satisfying friendship of all.

In fact, polite social etiquette seems to be an efficient means of keeping people at arm’s length…

What do you think?

What is your experience with your closest friends?

By the way…

Sometimes coaches are described as “Professional friends” 

But this is not true.  In essence, the coaching relationship is a one sided relationship – it’s there totally for your benefit.

The coach, if they are doing their job properly, is not getting anything out of the relationship.  They are too busy listening for the opening for your creativity, courage, power and brilliant thoughts to get anything out of it for themselves.

My definition of a friendship is a two way relationship of mutual affection.

I really like what Kahil Gibran says about friendship:

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.”
And when he is silent your heart ceases not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be clearer in his absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

– Let us hear what you have to say about friendship.

Changing Course Until You Get There.

On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin on the spacecraft Apollo 11 were the first humans to land on the Moon.

…and this was done with the equivalent of the computing power that’s present in some of today’s car.

Most people think they pointed it at the moon and off it went.

The truth is, the ground control was changing course coordinates every 4 seconds.

Overall, the space vehicle was off course 97% of the time.

This little fact gives me heart every time I launch any kind of project.

I know and I expect that I’ll be off track at least 97% of the time.

So what’s your expectation of success in your project?

success

Is Scar Tissue Stronger than Normal Tissue?

I asked a doctor this and she said;

“Actually yes…and no.

Scar tissue is strong, but it lacks flexibility  – it doesn’t stretch like normal tissue.”

Which blows away one of my theories about grief making you stronger…and broader and deeper.

But perhaps not – perhaps the depth and compassion you achieve with the experience of loss,

comes with an equivalent limitation and inflexibility, perhaps even a greater shock when

loss occurs…

I leave the last word with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:

Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Cognoscenti – one of those who knows.

It’s one of those times…

You sense Déjà vu…

It all looks so similar to something in the back of your mind;

The circumstances the same, your feelings the same, the faces around you different…

There’s something undeniably unbearable about it, you don’t want to do this old merry-go-round again,

You reach out blindly to your past to make sense of it all,

Memories float by, emotions run high – they all slip through your fingers…

When it all comes into focus, there are things you just can’t believe,

In places you buried them long ago, their reality simple and stark,

You are challenging the very foundations of who you think you are,Welcome to reality

Your reality shaken, it’s now even more obvious you are the creator of it from beginning to it’s end,

You are at the bottom of it all.

In this time of your raised awareness and your loosened reality,

Of old stories exposed and limitations swept open,

You are cognoscenti – one of those who knows…

That you made it all up in the first place and

Now it’s time to make it up anew, again..Focus

…with you being the best possible version of yourself you can imagine.

…………………………………………………..

Been here?  Want some support from a coach to help create your new reality?

Email me.

How to Manage Your Mentor

Please remember you have two separate and distinct relationships to manage: a friend and a mentor.

Think of them as hats.  You can only wear one hat at time.Hats

Your friendship is an informal relationship.   You can say whatever you want and have the ability to be however you want.  It’s more focused on being rather than doing.

Your Mentor/mentee relationship is more formal and structured.  You are there, focused and looking for encouragement and information that’s going to enable you to make big steps forward.  It’s serious and your job to keep it on that level.  Your job is to get the most out of the relationship and to be in action anytime you are given any advice or instructions.

Your first rule is to respect their time – make sure you don’t wear out your welcome.  If you say you want ten minutes with them, let them know when the ten minutes is up and leave it up to them if they wish to continue.

Your second rule is to remember what a good mentor does for you:

  • Listens to your plans and what you want to do
  • Gives you honest, industry based feedbackMentor
  • Advises you on how to improve and move forward fast
  • Warns you of threats…and opportunities around the corner that you can’t even see
  • Celebrates your wins with you…and shares your losses with you
  • Introduces you to people in the industry who can help you move forward

Your third rule is to listen to their advice and to immediately put it into action…then  report back to them the results of your actions.  This rule is absolutely important.  If you don’t put their advice into action – why should they waste their time with you if you don’t listen to their superior knowledge and experience?   If you don’t surrendMentor 1er to your mentor, you miss out big time.  The more you surrender, the more generous they become.

Your fourth rule is to give them your respect and to thank them regularly.  They don’t need it, but it helps you maintain the relationship.

Well done in creating and maintaining this relationship.

The privilege of having such an extraordinary relationship requires equal amounts of responsibility from you

You are now walking down your path on the way to achieving your goals with someone who will help you.

This is an extraordinary relationship which will benefit you enormously.

This is the fast track to achieving your goals.

The Tragic Cost of Ambivalence.

ambivalenceam1
amˈbɪv(ə)l(ə)ns,amˈbɪvəl(ə)ns,amˈbɪvələns/
noun
  1. the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.
    “the law’s ambivalence about the importance of a victim’s identity”
    Synonyms:equivocation, uncertainty, unsureness, doubt, indecision,inconclusiveness, irresolution, irresoluteness, hesitation, hesitancy,fluctuation, vacillation, shilly-shallying, tentativenessam2
    You know, it sucks your energy, steals your dreams and puts you in a perpetual limbo.
    That’s why it’s important to make a decision – to be decisive.
    Because there is no such thing as a wrong decision.
    A decision will always put you in motion – and ambivalence puts you in a frozen state of immobility.
    You can always make another decision once you get started  –  there’s no limit on the decisions you can make.
    If you want one of your decisions to stick and you’d like some help moving forward, let me know.